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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?